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Barriers to leaving abuse - Case 2
Arranged Marriage
Mrs Ali married Mr Ali in Pakistan in 2000 as a result of an arrangement between
Mrs Ali’s family and Mr Ali’s family. Mrs Ali did not agree to it
but had no choice as declining to marry would have brought shame to the family.
Also she was threatened and blackmailed by her family into marriage or there would
be dishonouring of their families.
Abuse
After the marriage Mrs Ali was handed over to the husband’s family. She
was very unhappy but her family said that she would be okay. The abuse started
soon after the marriage had taken place; she had wanted her husband to take time
to get to know her and vice versa but he wasn’t interested in this. Although
this abuse started happening in front of her husband’s family they said
nothing and sometimes encouraged it.
When she told her own family about her situation they promised to speak to her parents in law and told her that life in Pakistan would be far worse. Her parents told Mrs Ali that it was her duty to keep the family together and not go against her parents’ wishes otherwise she would be dishonouring them.
Isolation
Mrs Ali was used as a servant to cook and clean. She was locked in the house and
was only allowed to go out with the husband or mother in law. She was not allowed
to work or communicate with the outside world and spoke no English. Financially
Mrs Ali was totally dependent on the husband and did not know anything about the
outside world.
Mental Illness
On occasions she was abused so badly that they could not avoid going to the hospital.
She was made to tell the hospital that the injury was as a result of self-harm.
As a result of this Mrs Ali was diagnosed as having mental illness. At the same
time Mrs Ali’s father had become very ill and she felt it would be very
unfair to the family to talk about all her problems. As a result of this she became
deeply depressed.
Support from Shakti
Mrs
Ali contacted Shakti through a friend. Our caseworker offered support and explained
the options, including entitlement to state benefits and housing if she were to
leave.
However Mrs Ali was worried about her children’s future schooling and disruptions that would be caused by taking them away from their father. Her husband had always said that if she told anyone about the abuse she would not see the children again as she had been officially diagnosed with mental illness. She was also scared that the family might find out that she had made contact with Shakti and, as a consequence, they might try to send her back to Pakistan where she would not see her children again.
Racism
Mrs Ali’s experiences of racism from neighbours along with the possibility
that she would have no one around to support or protect her resulted in her staying
in the relationship. However Mrs Ali knows that she can contact Shakti at any
point and that we will support her with any decision that she makes about her
future.
