In most relationships, there are ups and downs – sometimes people can ‘fall out’ and say and do things to each other that are not nice. But there is a difference between common arguments and what is known as ‘domestic abuse’.
Domestic abuse is sometimes called domestic violence and usually happens between people who are in or who have been in a close relationship (like being married, in a civil partnership, dating or have children together). It can sometimes involve other family members too (see Culture-based forms of abuse or Forced Marriage). Domestic abuse is when one person in the relationship hurts, bullies or frightens the other person. It doesn’t generally happen just once; it tends to happen regularly over a period of time.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone regardless of age, race, sexual orientation, ability, religion or faith, or where you live in the world. Although it is more commonly known for abusers to be male and victims (the person being abused) to be female, domestic abuse can also happen to boys and men as well.
Sometimes another member of your family might be the abuser; it’s possible that your mum, your brother or sister, your grandparent or your foster parent might be hurting someone in your family. If the person being hurt is a young person under the age of 16 (in Scotland) or 18 (in England and Wales), that can be known as Child Abuse. If you are worried about this, you can find out where to get help in the Links section.
Domestic abuse isn’t just about physical violence; abuse can also be emotional (abuse of feelings) or financial (involving money issues), or involve forced marriage or sexual abuse within a relationship. Many of these behaviours are crimes (against the law).
Abuse is not an accident – it is behaviour that is done on purpose and it can make the other person feel isolated, frightened or bad about themselves. It can sometimes be difficult to know if this is happening to you or someone you know, as the abuser may be very careful to cover their tracks.
Types of physical abuse can include:
- Hitting
- Punching
- Slapping
- Kicking
- Spitting
- Hair-pulling
- Burning
Types of emotional abuse can include:
- Being regularly put down in front of children or friends
- Being often told you are stupid or no good at anything
- Being often told you are ugly or fat
- Being made to feel that no one else will love you
Types of financial abuse can include:
- Deliberately being kept in the house without money
- Being forced to give up a job
- Not allowing someone to spend their own money
- Always taking someone’s money away from them
Types of sexual abuse can include:
- Being forced to have sex (rape)
- Being forced to watch sexual acts against their will
- Being touched in a sexual way against their will
